Dad

Imagine everything you know in your life grinding to a halt. Cancer. We don’t actually know, but all the signs point to that, and because it’s taken this long to find out, it’s likely to be stage four. They still don’t know where the actual cancer is coming from or what is causing all the nodules on the lungs, liver, and kidneys, but dad has a scan yesterday and should know tomorrow, probably when he’s on the road to my cousin Charlotte’s wedding in MA. I feel incredibly lost right now. My dad has always been a calming and wise presence in my life. And now there’s a possibility he might not be here for more than five years. Every moment is precious, even as it always was, but even moreso now.  I wish I could be home to hug my dad, to help him when he’s uncomfortable, or just to sit and hold his hand. Trying to love from afar, and let him know every day that I love him.

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