On tonight’s edition of meet your mental illness, crippling depression and anxiety have come out to play their hand. Here’s the list of things my brain is doing right now:
- It is hurting over what’s happening in Virginia right now. How does the alt-right/KKK/Nazi faction walk around so freely and feel so empowered to spread hate and fear in America? Because our president endorses that rhetoric, the hate, and the fear that they bring. Hell, he’s trying to start a war with North Korea on Twitter. I don’t understand how people can hate people just because they are different. Diversity is what makes us stronger and better. This is not a difficult concept!
- My brain is worried that if I post something about what’s going on right now, it will ring empty.
- I’m worried that my birthday is coming up and it’s been a wash of a year.
- I’m worried about possibly having to have major knee surgery to straighten my leg out. I don’t want to be out of commission or off work for another month this year. Would my job still be there for me? On the other hand it would be free, so it might be the right time after all. Both directions are so strong I feel paralyzed about making a decision.
- I’m sad that I’m a morning person and my friends are all not morning people. I want to have a breakfast party for my birthday but I doubt anyone would show up because I’m not important enough to wake up before 10:00.
- I’m sad for my family. For my uncle who is dying in jail. For my dad who is dealing with illness and in discomfort.
I’m happy a lot of the time. But tonight I’m just sittin in my depression pit. And it’s ok.